Rand McNally My Ass

Finally, a map that we Americans can get behind, support, and, yes, even understand. Murderize correspondent Vicious Headbutt reports:

A new map of Europe was unveiled to the American public yesterday and is causing quite a stir. Vigorously backed by the George Bush administration, this innovative map of Europe does not display the countries by their conventional namesake. Instead, the European nations are called familiar slang terms for its countries populace.

Henry Finklestien, Chairman of the committee Rename Atlas: Project Europe (RAPE), explains the process by which he and his team created the new map system. "We wanted to make a map of Europe so that Americans can remember what countries the news media is referring to. Instead of, 'oil spill off of the coast of Spain', the news commentators would say, 'oil spill off of the coast of the Bitch's country."

Using American's colloquial dialect as a starting point, the RAPE team assembled the commonly used slang terms for each European country. However, there were problems from the beginning. Some nation's inhabitants had an abundance of derogatory names, others had none, whilst still others had slurs the RAPE team didn't want to use.

Thanks to RAPE, we can know precisely where to direct our anger when thinking about those treasonous Bastards (which, interestingly, did not make the final cut as country name), the Fags and the Dorks.