My New Hero

"What are we going to post about tonight, Brain?"

"The same thing we post about every night, Brad . . ."

PLAYBOY INTERVIEWS!!

Okay, well, maybe I don't post on this every night, but perhaps I should. A few weeks ago, when a friend of mine mentioned his name to me, in the context of her libidinous need for the his coarse Irish sexuality, I had no clue who Colin Farrell was, or that I'd seen in a few movies. But now, like a new word you learn and that you end up seeing everywhere thereafter, I can't escape him. While looking for the latest Atlantic Monthly (honestly!), what should I see on the cover of the adjacent Playboy (granted, "adjacent" in the sense that it was two rows over, and that I was really looking for the latest Maxim) but COLIN FARRELL! Well, let me clarify: first I saw a naked, save for a few strands of strategicly placed purple fabric, brunette, who I at first thought was Jennifer Love Hewitt; and THEN I saw Colin Farrell, albeit not a naked Colin Farrell, merely the name and the headline that his "Raw and Uncut" interview lie inside (inside the magazine, not the brunette, you sicko!). I couldn't resist, and neither should you. Fortunately, somebody has illegally scanned the interview, so, hey, until Hugh Hefner finds out, you can safely link over there and take a look [Note: This is a pretty poor scan job, but it's a fair substitute for sitting in B&N with a Playboy next to your chai whilst a mother of three glares at you and her husband stares over your shoulder.]

Here's a long excerpt (excuse the length, but it's a long ass story!) to whet your appetite for more -- I assume all my readers are over the age of eighteen:

Playboy: Was she the first sexual experience you had?

Farrell: No, my first was with an Australian woman. I had this friend in school who was a big e-head. I used to be a fucking e-head. I used to smoke fucking puppies like they were fucking candy for two or three years in the Dublin club scene and got completely into it. You'd be fucking doing 15 of these a weekend, and you might pop them on Wednesday as well. It was your scene. It was really a way of life, not a weekend-warrior thing. The mates you were hanging out with were all fucking e-heads.

Playboy: So you're saying ecstasy played a part in your losing your virginity?

Farrell: I had a really good mate, Eliot, who was a huge fucking drinker, popping back Guinnesses to beat the band. He knew I was a fucking e-head, and he'd always say, '"You're with all them fucking wankers doing pills, you fucking tosser. Who the fuck do you think you are? Why don't you have a fucking drink?" I said, "We still drink. I tell you what. Some night I'll go out with you and I'll fucking do what you do and someday you'll go out and do what I do." So one night we went to the club I'd always gone to, a gay club in Dublin called Shaft. After one or two A.M.,. when the other places closed down shaft became gay, straight, whatever. We went there and danced into the wee hours.

This next line is one of my favorite lines of the entire interview, despite the fact it comes from the interviewer:

Playboy: With each other?

Ha! Slays me still.

Farrell: It was close on the floor, but there was no gyrating -- or geez, he would have started throwing fists. There would have been killings. It was about four A.M and Eliot was nearly comatose, so I put him in a taxi and sent him home becuase I'd this Australian woman who was 36 and basically said to me, "Do you want to come back to my house and fuck?" We went to her place and were lying on her bed kissing and she opened a bottle of champagne -- which I fucking hate. But I took a sip, and as I did, she reached under the bed and pulled out a wicker basket with about 400 condoms in it -- different flavors, colors, ribbed. She said, "Pick one," and I said to myself, "I am in fucking trouble here."

This is on page two of the interview, and it only gets better. Ireland's Dept. of Tourism needs to use this guy as their spokesman.

UPDATE: Apparently, all you Silentio must've flooded that poor girl's website. Apologies if you went there, eager to get your fix on the word "fuck," only to find the site down. It is, though, as of Thursday afternoon, up and running fine.