A Story I Don't Believe

According to the USA Today a few days ago, Vince Vaughn is not enjoying the anti-American harassment he's getting while in Europe. The piece is peppered with several anecdotes from a variety of Americans who didn't feel they were welcomed with open arms here in the Old World. As an American living abroad, I, too, have a few supplemental anecdotes of my own.

In the past year and a half, I've not had one problem with anti-Americanism. The closest came from a guy I walked past on the way out of the subway in Brussels who was muttering something inane about sex, Sadaam Hussein, and George Bush. Katrien tells me that my lack of confrontation stems from my not being the "typical American" (i.e., not as loud, quite willing to be critical of America, and able to hold my liquor [ed. Okay, I made up the last one, as it is one she would seriously contest]). Sorry dear, but I think you've missed the mark on this one. The "typical American" in Europe (remember, I'm speaking very anecdotally here, and thus quite generally) didn't vote for Bush; as such, there's a damn good chance that the "typical American" is willing to be just as critical of what's going on in their name as I am. Keep in mind, first, that no more than 20% (possibly even, depending upon the statistician, 8%) of Americans have passports; second, reflect on those (middle & southern) Americans who today are all too happy to admit that they voted for Bush. With both of these facts in mind, and being very wary to avoid making too much of a pejorative value judgement about the individuals in question, let me make an assumption that is based purely upon my experience: the latter are probably not representative of American world-travellers. The people most willing to leave the country for any length of time, business executives notwithstanding, generally have a more reasonable perspective on their country. ("Reasonable" here in the sense that, no matter their vote in 2000, they generally cringe when they're abroad and witness the most recent round of American sabre-rattling and bridge-burning, often directed at the same countries they're visiting, because it is difficult to connect current policy with the coldly objective sense to which we like to associate anything that is "reasonable.") Most of the Europeans I've ever met realize this reticence, I think, and thus generally confine their screeds to George Bush until they're given reason to believe you're more than an equivocating, ambivalent supporter. In the end, remember that most Europeans are like you, in that they're just trying to get through their day without going insane. (Americans have anti-depressant pills, golf courses, and ammo to blow off steam; we have alcohol and casual sex. Pick your poison, I guess.)

Then again, there might also be an element of truth to what Katrien says, albeit in a way she may not agree with. I spend most of my days and nights cooped up in front of my research, getting out only to drink. When I drink, my volume increases; and when my volume increases, my willingness to be critical of America is spread throughout the pub or cafe. Hence, perhaps, my never having any problems with anybody.

As for Vince Vaughn, I think his problems in Europe can be pinpointed exactly to that moment he decided to have an acting career, post-Swingers. Mr. Vaughn, they will not forget nor forgive The Lost World, Return to Paradise, Psycho, The Cell, Domestic Disturbance, et al. You're only hope is that Will Farrell saves your ass over here in Old School; otherwise, you best burn that passport, 'cause the Bulgarians, I hear, are getting mighty pissed.