Thursday, October 02, 2003

"You are a dreadfully ill-mannered peon and a primitive, flesh-creeping excrement stain on a Sumo Wrestler's underpants."

Are you looking for a time-waster, sometime to while away your workday? Or, alternatively, are you looking to really piss somebody off with your verbal acumen? Either way, or perhaps if you're just curious now, you will want to check out Insultmonger.com. It's my guess that this has been around for a loooooong time and that I've been too much of an internet dullard to know about it. In fact, the insult the site generated for me kind of suggests as much:

You're the saddest, piss-poor excuse for a man I've ever seen, you chromosome-deficient, uber-impotent, rat-faced tard-popsicle. I'm not surprised you're single, you pimple-faced perpetual wedgie victim. Average looking, my ass. You're uglier than the south-facing end of north-bound mule with a ruptured ulcerated fly-covered rump. You're the typical left-wing, know-nothing, good-for-nothing, bleeding heart bungling bum who thinks the world owes you a living. You four-eyed, cerebrally-deluded, Einstein-impersonating, pseudo-intellectual nerdturd with a head full of misfiring synapses. Like your height, everything about you is average; except your stench - which is overwhelming. Lying about your weight again, eh? Since when did Pregnant Water Buffalo Size become 'Average'? You couldn't get a job cleaning shit off a toilet, you utterly useless wrinkled balloon in a muddy puddle of goat's piss. I've seen wounds that were better dressed than you are. I've come across decomposing animal carcasses that are less offensive than you are.

I have to admit, it has me pegged pretty good there.

FYI, It's not all witless and crass. If you're more refined than I, or, say, you're writing a book, article, or thesis on James Joyce or Ralph Waldo Emerson, there's a collection of insults by and about them as well. In other words, it's noontime fun for everyone!